Tag Archives: Glenn Koshi

Strap on baby wipe dispenser

I wasn’t much for advanced mathematics in school. Other than the ability to grasp metric measures and dollar equivlants (grams, ounces, lids…) I was a zero when it came to questions that required computation to answer. That I came to end up working in marketing but specializing in data analysis is beyond me. There’s a lot of math involved in what I do. More than my brain can handle sometimes. There’s a lot of mystery in the art and science of analytics. But perhaps the greatest mystery I’ve come across lately is something I think Mr. Spock would even have a problem with: what algorithm is going to return “First Loser | Inline Skater” based on search input criteria “Strap on baby wipe dispenser?”

Elliptical hole in top, heated, 8 inches deep, warm and smoshey on the inside, cleans up after itself and leaves your skin silky smooth and baby powder fresh. Yep...undercover lover.

Search terms reveal a lot about why people are looking for a website. And I’m not so full of myself that I think people actually seek me out. No. When it comes to inline skating, they’re looking for one guy right now. The chances are pretty high that you know exactly who I’m talking about, ’cause that’s how you came to find this post too.

COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTION…

Any in-stock Bont Patriot short track boots, normally $225, this month only, $175.

Any in-stock Bont Platinum blades (top-of-the-line!), normally $450, this month only, $375.

NEW – full custom Bont Patriot boots and Platinum blades, $1000! Note that the blades alone normally retail for $450. Shipping and applicable taxes extra, please.

Email Glenn today: glenn916@yahoo.com

AND NOW, BACK TO OUR POST…

It’s true. “Mantia” is the number one search term in inline skating. “Joey Mantia” is number two. It’s how people find this site and countless others. And as I scan the logs of my site traffic, it’s easy to see what people are really interested in reading about. Other than the picture of all the hotties dressed as Slave Girl Princess Leia that I posted around the holidays, the posts that have anything related to Mantia get the most repeat traffic. So…while it may be counter-intuitive to some that I consolidate all of that content, that’s zactly whut I’ma gone do.

Here are all of the Mantia posts, all in one place. But listen, no homo man. I’m doin’ you a favor here. So don’t go breakin’ my balls, pal. You want to skate better, then you need to study the best. So just consider this a coach’s corner…a session with the man through this twisted skater’s lens:

Mantia Post 1

Mantia Post 2

Mantia Post 3

Mantia Post 4

Read, watch, analyze and learn. You’ll be a better skater…more precise, more competitive and better equipped to help the next skater that asks you for pointers. Cause that’s the code of conduct – you’re not allowed to keep this stuff to yourself. Make the sport more competitive – share your stride techniques ya greedy bastid! Say what you will about Mantia, but he’s a guy completely dedicated to growing this sport, one skater at a time if necessary. Just look at what he and Miguel Jose are doing with NSC, that’s dedication.

Another guy who’d give you the skates right off his feet if he thought it would help you is my coach, Jondon Trevena. A two time Olympian and one of the first guys to make the transition from inline to ice, Jondon is the kind of coach that puts his skaters first. He’s the one that gave us the use of his family’s rink to host the Mantia clinic we had, and he even participated and deferred to Mantia & Co. so that his students could learn, (even when what we were learning was something he’d been telling us for years.) Visit his site JondonSpeed, and come skate with us if you’re ever in Northern Colorado on a Sunday morning.

CRAZY GLENN BACK AT IT AGAIN!

WOW! Glenn felt so bad about interrupting the Mantia Super Post that he’s back to make things tight with you…order anything from him today and get an additional 20 EFFIN PER-CENT OFF!!! Seriously, he’s serious. I’d swap my own mother with narco-terrorists to get an additional 20% off on a sweet pair of Bonts. Fortunately, you don’t have to! Just email Glenn today: glenn916@yahoo.com for God’s sake! What are you waiting for???

Doesn’t apply to other discounts.

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Ice to meet you

In the course of events in this thing I call my life, I need to mix things up. I’m not the kinda guy that you can expect to sit still for more than a few minutes at a clip, at least with my pants on…

REVEALED: This is how I cop so much time on SkateLog Speed Skating Forum.

I need to be busy. Need to be doing something. And no matter what it is, if I really find it interesting, I can become very disciplined, very quickly and develop routines that I’ll adhere to, religiously, for years without interruption. But once I start getting bored, the routines get hard to maintain, and I need to find something to spice things up, or I’ll start getting lazy and I’ll start relying on anything I can find to use as an excuse to get distracted from that thing I was so engrossed with that it became a part of my daily life and part of the definition of…me.

My career as Skatey Spice was short lived...I just couldn't bring myself to shave my legs.

I’ll admit it…I started getting bored with this thing of ours. That’s right. I started to become a slacker skater. If you’ve been reading this blog for any period of time, you’ve seen the ups and downs. What I’ve published here really only scratches the surface. And yes, my posts do tend to exaggerate the state of things, and go more for a cheap fart joke than any real substance, but that aside it’s a pretty honest portrayal of my skating life. I’ve added emphasis there because my skating life is truly more than roller skating, or, you know, inline speed skating. Ice has become a part of this thing I do. To the extent that I should really just say I’m a skater, as opposed to an inline skater, because the latter implies a singularity of purpose that just isn’t in my make up anymore. It’s like saying “I’m a road-skater,” or “I’m a trail-skater,” or “I’m an indoor speed skater,” or “I’m a marathon skater.” The label “inline skater” has become too restrictive. And since freedom is so much of what I love about this sport, I think saying “I’m a skater” is about as liberating as I can get. That said, inline is really my core so I’m not dumping the label. I’m just more open-minded about this thing I do.

We're just not coming at this from the same place.

Being one of such open mind, I decided that since nude speed skating is flat-out too dangerous and just wrong (God knows the view would be hanus trying to catch a draft,) 2011 is the year of doing things differently. By that I mean setting new goals, tackling new challenges and stretching past my comfort zone. It’s one thing to try to break a personal best time, whether it’s for 100m or 26.2 miles. It’s another to try to become somewhat competent in another discipline, and that’s what I’ve chosen to focus on. I’ve moved to ice. Not in the epic sense of a Jondon Trevena or Derek Parra or Chad Hedrick. No. Just in the sense of being me and trying something new. And it’s been a humbling experience, one that’s done the ego some good.

Taking a similar track to what I did my first year on inlines, I jumped right into the deep end of training and competing. Honestly, the main reason I haven’t been updating these pages all that much lately is that I’ve been using all the spare time I can find to get me some quality ice time on my new Marchese One boots and Marchese Zero blades. (Full disclosure…CadoMotus makes these Marchese’s, and CadoMotus is a sponsor of First Loser.)

These skates kick butt.

Yep…I’ve become a short track slut, puttin’ out on the ice as much as I can, and gettin’ my money’s worth out of the Ice Center Super Pass I bought in February. But I digress…

To really kick up the excitement a notch, I competed in my first ice meet earlier this season, The 2011 Colorado Speed Skating Championships. The meet was organized by Colorado Gold Speedskating, and they’re just awesome! anyway…this meet was a quick test of my ego-resiliency. Considering that my only real competition was a self-described “old lady” and some guys that have been doing short track for all of maybe eight months to a year, I was thinking I was on my way to gold, or at least the claim of having my First Loser status carry over in my ice debut. That wasn’t to be the case. I did pretty well, in that I got the entry fee’s worth out of the event by placing in my heats and skating all the finals, but the podium was a bit further away than I thought it would be.

Turns out I was competing in the masters division. So even though I was on the ice with the Bony Pony’s, or whatever we were being called, I was skating against those guys I was watching and going “Holy S#!t look at that!” So needless to say I didn’t come home with any medals (not even a freaking participation award or a chocolate bar) but I did skate away having had a great time and really falling for this new discipline. (Father’s pride: Freezy Weezy took third in his division!)

Freezy Weezy takes Bronze!

As it stands right now, I’m on the fence about NSIM this year. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to go. It’s a lot of effort for a little better than an hour’s worth of skating time. Yes, it’s the premiere event for me, no doubt. But I’m not excited about the idea anywhere near as much as I’m stoked to go to a short track clinic at the Oval in SLC in June, and compete here in Fort Collins at our first ice meet in October. I’m truly excited and I’m working hard to try to improve my technique so that I can show improvement versus what I did down there at the World Arena in April. That’s got me fired up man. Honestly, I miss that about inline. That same fire just ain’t there anymore.

DON’T GET ME WRONG DAMNIT! I still love inline skating more than any other sport. And now that the weather is somewhat improving here in NoCo I’ve been able to hit the trails with gusto again (94 miles logged last week!) and I’m truly amazed every time I skate in my Pro M1’s on the trail and feel truly in command of every facet of my stride, but it’s that, I don’t know, maybe it’s the novelty of new-found passion that I just don’t have for inline anymore. With inline, it’s like I have something to maintain. I’ve achieved a little something. With ice, I ain’t done s#!t, so I’ve got the world before me. And with a 1:07 500m time, I’ve got nowhere to go but up…at least I hope.

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

Crazy F’in Glenn is at it again! Just to make things nice and tidy, he’s offered up a really schweet deal on Bont Patriot Short Track boots and Bont ice blades. Check it speed freaks:

Any in-stock Bont Patriot short track boots, normally $225, this month only, $175. 

Any  in-stock Bont Platinum blades (top-of-the-line!), normally $450, this month only, $375.

NEW – full custom Bont Patriot boots and Platinum blades, $1000!  Note that the blades alone normally retail for $450.  Shipping and applicable taxes extra, please.

Email Glenn today: glenn916@yahoo.com to get this crazy azz deal before it’s too late. Sorry Rick! (Inside joke.)

Crazy Glenn Says: Erin go Skatin’

Your favorite Japanese-American Leprechaun is at it again! Crazy Glenn is breakin’ open his treasure chest o’ skatin’ pleasures to help you save a little green-beer money this St. Patty’s Day:

"They may get me wheel deals, but they'll never get me Lucky Charms!"

Be lookin’ over these four leaf clovers why don’t ‘cha:

White G3 wheels, two sets available, $50 shipped. 100mm Hyper indoor Kaos wheels, $50 shipped. 110mm/87a Pink High Rollers (white hub) $60 shipped. Email Glenn today! Glenn916@yahoo.com

As I be lookin’ at these prices I’m thinkin’ he’s off his rocker for sure. The British occupied Ireland for 275 years, and no where in that time did they ever see deals like these! Glenn’s lettin’ ya dip into his Pot o’ Gold on this one, so go grab ’em while they last cause once they’re gone deals like this will be as hard to find as Whee Willie up under the kilt on a cold St. Patty’s night!

Drink till ya stink

When he’s not out generously donating his time helping local co-eds master their competitive Octabong skills, Crazy Glenn is cooking up deals just for First Loser readers…

"No honey, c'mon...bend your elbow, head back further, wider gullet. You can do this."

And man, oh man, this one’s better than a campus panty raid…8 new 110mm wheels for less than the price of 4!

LIMITED SUPPLY: 2 sets of indoor Hypers: 1 set bright green Intensity wheels (for slick floors) and 1 set of pink Havoc wheels (harder, more roll.) Your choice, ONLY $55 per set PLUS free shipping…

Get them while they last!

Once they’re gone, that’s it! I almost didn’t share this one, but I just got new wheels so you’re in luck!

EMAIL GLENN TODAY: glenn916@yahoo.com

So rather than waking up the next day under a pile of empty tall-boys with your face in an ashtray, take your beer bong money and feed your need for speed, cause this deal won’t be here for long!

Crazy Glenn – his skate gear prices are INSANE!!!!!!!

The Fourth Day of Inline Christmas

The song remains the same…

T’was the fourth night of Inline Christmas when…Down the chimney Crazy Glenn came with a bound, he was dressed all in neoprene, a tho’ the room be quite dimly lit, I could see he was wearing a full-body EzeeFit. A bundle of Bonts he had flung on his back, a couple o’ grand worth o’ skates in that pack. Just as I reached for a fresh pair of Vaypors, my wife slapped me hard with rolled up newspapers. “Hold on there Hot Shot, there’ll be no debate, for you really don’t need one more pair of skates.” “But honey,” I said, “Santa knows I need more, I really can’t rest till I have three or four…from each boot maker I need more and fast, for each model skate’s made from a one-of-a-kind last. It’s the deck height and spacing, carbon content and fit, no one’s like the other and till I’ve tried them all I can’t quit.”

“Be they Simmons, or Rollerblade, Bont or Luigino, it’s better than dropping our cash in casinos! Don’t forget Pinnacle, Powerslide, or Verducci, (last night I watched Big Night with that guy Stanley Tucci.) Then I must try X-Techs, Canariam, EdgeTek and Hyper, Cado Motus and Schankel, before I’m old and in diapers. Cause skating keeps me young no matter how old I get, but this rhyming’s for the birds, tis making my head split.” She looked at me sideways as she dropped the club, “Your just do what’s best for us, I’ll be in the tub.” So I asked Glenn to leave, but in a move I found daring, I had him leave me a gross of Buck Bearings.

And it was in bath that I found her later that night, her skin glimmering in the soft, pale moonlight. She shook her head slowly as I got undressed, and said she still loved me, tho’ I’m so skate obsessed.

"Yeah, so we get to Rollerdome, and it's closed. We're like, 'well this sucks.' Then Walter dropped his phone in the toilet. Come get us, Dude."

Whew! I’m throwin’ rocks tonight. I feel like the Dr. Seuss of skating! Trying to write this stuff is like a natural caffeine. I’m naturally wired.

Yep...here's why I won't be competing in 2011. I'm making the transition from inline to skatecycle. I'm gonna own this s#%t!

This is the skatecycle–the next generation recreational vehicle that won an International Design Excellence Award and a permanent place in the Henry Ford Museum. I’m usually leery of these things, but this one looks pretty cool. It combines the foot control of snowboarding, the balanced turning of skateboarding, and the nimble, undulating movements of casterboarding. (Undulating is a perv-word, isn’t it?) Anyway…both feet are placed onto two slip-resistant footboards, and its double-jointed, twisting axle allows riders to move either of the 9″ polyurethane wheels individually by twisting the feet inwards and outwards. This continued foot motion, in synchronization with a twisting upper body, “drives” the cycle over flat, level ground. Dunno…could this be as cool as the Land Rollers were when Apolo was pitching them? Durable aluminum and composite frame supports riders up to 220 lbs. 30″ L x 6 1/2″ W x 9 1/2″ H. (7 1/4 lbs.)

Happy Holidays From Crazy Glenn

Bust out your Ugly Christmas Sweaters and try and squeeze another buck out of your wallet to take advantage of Crazy Glenn’s Last Minute Ugly Sweaters For Skaters Sale…

The psychedelics in the Red Bull finally strarted to kick in, and Glenn saw more to his date than just that groovy sweater.

Due to popular demand, a returning special just in time for last minute shoppers…

In-Stock Jet 3 Point boots, normally $205, now $150. 100mm Jet 3 Point packages, normally $399, now $299; and 110mm Jet 3 Point packages normally $420, now $320.  Shipping and taxes extra, please.
ALSO: sale on Red Semi Race skates and Silver Alpha skates!!!
December Specials Plus: (1) Pair of Long Track Bont Vaypor, blade and silver, size 39 boots only, normally $539, this pair $300, shipped!

ALSO: any in-stock Bont 07 Skinsuit (red/black or pink/purple), $40!
Email Glenn Today! glenn916@yahoo.com

Plus size gift certificates

Crazy Glenn is at it again!!! That’s right folks…straight from the man, to you, on a crazy Black Friday! Plump, PLump, PLUMP UP your skating gifts this year with a Plus Size Gift Certificate from Crazy Glenn!

HAVE AN INSANE BLACK FRIDAY!!!

Order a Gift Certificate from Glenn and he’ll add 10% as a bonus to the certificate! Ca Ching!!! You read it right, here’s the skinny…purchase a $100 Gift Certificate for you or your favorite skater and the Certificate will be made out for $110. Simple math to add up to big savings for you! He’s insane and you gain! To get the deal, you must email glenn916@yahoo.com TODAY – Friday, November 26th, 2010. Even if Glenn doesn’t respond today (he’ll be out shopping too you know…probably BB&B…), as long as your email is “postmarked” on the 26th, you’ll be eligible to recieve the Plus 10% Certificate. Expiration date on the Certificate will be March 31, 2011, good on any merchandise Glenn Koshi peddles.  Makes a nice gift (but you KNOW THIS!!!)

AND DON’T FORGET!!! Glenn’s got MAD, MAD, MAD DEALS on his existing inventory: Make some happy skater’s 8 wheel dreams come true: CLICK HERE!

Get your consumerism fix on with a great deal here, now, then strap on your skates and hit the malls fast – it’s Black Friday man – our economic recovery is counting on you!!!

Crazy Glenn – his prices are truly INSANE!!!