Monthly Archives: May 2013

C’mon y’all

Yep…like a great ball of North Korean bluster-cluck, I started the year with a saber-rattling bang. Man, did I have plans. This was going to be the big year of the First Loser comeback. Well, um, no, that’s not happening any time soon. I’ve been busy man…busy packing it on and skating less and less.

But, unlike New Jersey’s Donut Swilling Governor, I’m not revealing any short-cut gastric surgeries to undo the damage of a few months over-indulgence in Russell Stover’s Pectin Jelly Beans and Pizza.

Yes, I have no plans to run for anything. Or to anything. Imma gonna eat this skate - nom, nom, nom.

Yes, I have no plans to run for anything. Or to anything. Imma gonna eat this skate – nom, nom, nom.

Yes, I’m tired of watching my mid-section gyrate like Shakira’s hips when I brush my teeth shirtless. I’m not going under the knife or making the same mistake I did a few years ago with shakes & supplements. No, I’m shedding the belly shimmy the hard way…healtier dietary choices and Shaun T’s Insanity.

The program is freaking awesome. Really. No weights, no supplements (although they’ll try and sell you a recovery drink), no BS. Just a straight-up, 60 day course in plyos, cardio and sweet pain. Yes – a mainstream plyo workout, 100% skater friendly!

And it’s working. For me, at least. Going into my third week, here are my unvarnished Fit Test results:

C'mon y'all

Now, granted, I’m not quite as out of shape as I make myself out to be (or AM I?) But the chick in the DVD does better than I do so I still have a way to go. Nonetheless, the graph you’re looking at represents eight minutes lived the hard way. But they’re eight minutes that leave me with an incredible sense of accomplishment, so they’re totally worth it. In fact, every workout I’ve done so far feels that way, not just the bi-weekly tests. You get to the end of a daily workout and you’re totally amazed that you’ve done this thing. Even if you can’t keep pace with the hot-bods on the screen (oh yes, there are a few that even Speedy Weezy is looking at saying, “Dad, I think she’s sexy, if that’s what sexy is.”) you go your own pace and feel totally spent at the end of the workout. Spent in all the best meaning of that word. You’ve given everything you have, nothing left in the tank, and it’s good. Look at some of the regular exercises:

Power Jacks
Power Knees
Globe Jumps
Level 1 & 2 Exercises
Mummy Kicks
Moving Push Ups
C Sits
Butt Kicks
Mountain Climbers
Floor Sprints
Log Jumps
Switch Kicks

The list goes on and on. It’s not insane, it’s freaking NUTS. It’s high-intensity interval training. It’s pounding it out as hard as you can, with 30 seconds rest at the end of a series of exercises, then do it again, just, you know, harder and faster than last time.

Another great aspect of the program is it doesn’t take a lot of time. 30-45 minutes a day, 6 days a week. I tell you this, I’ve never looked more forward to having a day of rest as I do now. But really, that rest day is 26.2 mile trail skate day, and believe me, after spending the week putting on the hurt, the trail seems like a trip down light-weight lane.

So this is where my training is this year. I’m committed to Insanity for the next 45 days or so. Or should I be committed for doing this? I’ve been looking at the month 2 schedule, it gets worse. Or better, depending on your sadomasochistic tendencies. We’ll see in a couple of months if I’m as excited about it as I am right now.

Tell you what…if I do stick with this thing, I’m gonna post those unflattering “before” pics with my buff “after” pics. That way, this site will finally get pulled down for obscenity and I’ll be done with it and have more time to skate.