Last week I noticed we’re spending more on groceries lately. Innocently enough, I asked Horseypants where all the grocery money is going. She says, “Take a side-long look in the mirror!” So it goes…but I thought this skating thing took care of those details. These past few weeks, I’ve been feeling like a guy I once knew, a guy I’ll call Crossfire. He would consume cubic tons of Bolivian marching powder, in all it’s forms, on a daily basis, all the while cutting and maintaining a figure that would make Jackie Gleason slim by comparison. If you know anything about the physiological effects of nose candy, you’re thinking this is nothing short of impossible. But it is possible and it’s exactly how I feel…despite how much I skate, I need a wheel barrow to cart around ma belly.
"I'm gonna eat your pace line."
I’m just back from a week in Pasadena, California. I was there on business, but my only carry-on was my CadoMotus Travel Bag stuffed with a week’s worth of corporate casual work-wear and spandex. Seriously, I didn’t even bring a brief case, but that’s because I’ve become a simpering, Angry Bird playing, App wetting iPad devotee and no longer feel the need to travel with my “adult viewer,” er, I mean, laptop computer. (We’ve been SO over-sold on technology…but I digress.)
It's quite the tidy bowl I tell you.
3 out of 5 days I was lucky enough to get in a sunrise skate at The Rose Bowl loop (big UP to R (O) (O) (O) (O) GER for the tip!) There’s a great 3 mile loop around the perimeter of the world famous complex.
East side stretch along the golf course.
Along the east side, (I think it’s the east side, as it was closest to the mountains. Might be north…) a 3/4 mile long hill. It’s the gradual kind, it had me crying about half way through. Tree-lined but not too much debris, it was a welcome challenge after having spent much of the winter indoor on flat tracks in Colorado. The West is just the opposite, and I was hitting speeds of 28mph, which got scary on the approach to the parking lots.
The west side...see the cars? They stop for walkers...skaters, not so much.
The first day there I was clearly pissing off the locals by going to the left. The looks said it all. Several of them shouted something, but I couldn’t hear them over the sound of my squealing bearings. I don’t think the hand gestures had anything to do with looking up, despite where their fingers were pointing.
Coming around to the west side (I think).
Nonetheless, I got in a few really incredible workouts. My schedule was such that I skated Tuesday & Wednesday. I rested on Thursday, and by Friday, I was eating that hill on the east side for breakfast.
But it was what I was eating the rest of the time that did me in. Since my wife has scored so well with finding great restaurants in strange cities using TripAdviser.com, I decided to do the same, and man, did I end up packing on the pounds.
If you’re ever in Pasadena, you’ll want to check these spots out:
– Lovebirds Cafe: Incredible breakfast burrito. I bought one and it was breakfast one day, lunch the next.
– Saladang & Saladang Song: Simply some of the best Thai food in the US. Seriously, the food and atmosphere (particularly Saladang Song) are out of this world and deserving of their Zagat’s ratings.
– Smitty’s Grill: this is the one that killed me. I’m still skating off the filet mignon burger. The Chicken Pot Pie is the size of a manhole cover and truly to die for.
– Cafe 140: Great food, great atmosphere, with a signature Blue Corn Salad.
–Wolfe Burgers: You know it’s good when the entire Pasadena police force is taking shifts on the front dining room and there’s a big guy named Fat Al sleeping at the center table in the back dining room. Another belly bomber of a breakfast burrito, made to order.
And of course you’ve got your Starbucks, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble and Apple Store all within easy skating distance. But thanks to these restaurants, I’ve now got some work to do. Time to bust out the fitness skates, crank up Something/Anything? on the iPod, and hit the trails here at home. Ah…it’s winter coat shedding time. 12 pounds to go. Let’s see how quickly I can do this. I’ve got a feeling it won’t be such a long time…gotta love inline skating.
Roll out your stinky mat, light the incense, rub some coriander oil into your pecs and get ready to get downward D-O-Double-G. This is another one of those things I said I’d never do. But here I sit…and I think…they say change comes from within, so the next time I break one off I want to pass a Grant, two Jackson’s and a Hamilton, with interest, ’cause I’ve been holding this exploration for a long time. That’s right Boo-boo…bang a gong and strike a pose as we endure initiation into the world of Yoga. Who’s your Yogi, baby?
A few more inches and I'll never have to leave the house again...
It started innocently enough…Horseypants invited me to attend what her friend Mrs. Needle Pusher (SpeedLord’s Mom) sucked her into…Core Power Yoga. I’d done a Yoga class with her a few years before, so I knew what I was getting into. And since I’m down a few sizes since my Jabba-The-Hutt Mu-Mu wearing days, and I’ve been told that I need to get more flexible, I decided it was time to try again.
My first observation: Yoga isn’t just for unbathed hippies, flatulent vegans or chicks that like their partners hung like a doughnut anymore…not only is my own MILF regularly going, but there were plenty of would-be yogis in what Mr. Needle Pusher calls “distracting” outfits. The talent has really come along since the last time I tried this 10 years ago. But other than the influx of Cougars and Co-eds, not much more has changed, particularly the smell of sweat steeped patchouli and the heat.
The ambient music helped create a mood that allowed me to drop my cynicism just long enough to relax and flow with the experience. We start in Balasana, or Child pose, which I imagine is a very familiar posture for your average practicing Muslim, but instead of chanting prayers toward Mecca you’re silent on your knees, driving your hips and weight down over your heels at the same time pushing your forehead into the mat under you and stretching out your arms on the floor over your head. It creates an expansive cavity for you to focus on your breath and release tension in all of your major muscle groups. It’s very effective as a warm up all by itself.
Child pose...don't eat pork and beans the night before class.
As I’ve come to learn, the practice is centered on synchronization of timing and motion. Timing the motion of your body to be synchronous with your breath. With focused practice, Yoga becomes a moving meditation. In the first few weeks I was moving with nothing like what you’d call Swiss accuracy, but by the third week I began to get just a slight feel for the fluidity that the instructors move with. I’ve got a long road ahead of me, but it’s just like those first few times you nail a good double push. You know this can only get better the more you practice, and you start to think about it obsessively, living in anticipation of your next training session to do it again. At least, that’s how I know it’s right for me.
And like skating, you’ve got to start slowly and build a foundation. I’ve chosen to spend time with the breathing, as breath control is something I always struggle with. In Yoga practice, the breath work starts right in Balsana. In pose, it’s simply a matter of taking purposeful long, slow breaths, and timing them so that as you enter a new posture, you lengthen your musculature on the inward breath, and find depth upon the breath release. In some postures, that’s lengthening your spine by lifting your chest to the ceiling as you’re breathing in, and going deeper into a twist or a stretch on release.
A number of these postures were familiar due to the inordinate amount of time I spend being down low as a speed skater or sitting on the crapper. With inline speed skating I’ve built a pretty solid core, so to get down and hold Utkatasana, or Chair pose, isn’t a problem for my quads, but man, it takes on a whole new dimension when you raise your arms over your head and straighten your spine.
Let's see Cheney do this! Heh, heh...
We also use runner’s stretch, and a lot of the Warrior poses put you into a forward lunge that’s familiar. I was surprised at how hard it was to find balance in some of these poses considering the amount of time I spend doing one-legged drills, both on inlines and ice, but I found that as I focused more on my breathing, it was easier to achieve the balance I was looking for. One of the coolest poses is Eagle pose, where you move from the Chair pose to this pose shown below:
Eagle pose: what I usually look like on the floor after attempting a Hawk. To pull this off while standing is a bird of a different feather.
My problem with Eagle is that I can’t seem to get my foot wrapped around by calf, because my blood is tiger’s milk and I have the legs of Adonis. But I digress…The dude in the pic above isn’t fully there, as this one also requires you to get your elbows up to shoulder level. Talk about brutal, but that’s not the worst of it. There’s this inversion pose called Crow pose…
Seriously, WTF am I doing here?
In Crow, you’ve got to balance yourself on the shelf you create with your triceps after you’ve been doing this in a hot room for 45 minutes. This gets slippery…and the danger of face plant is high. Go ahead and try and do this one, naked in front of a mirror (just for added kicks.) Oh, and hold it for a minimum of 5 deep breath cycles. Yeah…Charlie Sheen couldn’t even hang with that s#&t, boyee! It’s Epic!
There are many other poses that skaters can benefit from. And with the Core Power program, they run you through other core building exercises like bicycle crunches. A lot of the poses really stretch out your hammies. After an hour, I’m spent, dripping wet and smelling of rotten feet (but that’s because I hit the Yoga class after having spent an hour on the ice. The chicks really dig the aroma.)
If anything, I’m thinking Yoga will allow me to get deeper in my seat, and improve my core strength, stacked alignment and balance when I’m skating, both inline and on the ice. Am I more flexible? Hard to say at this point. I do know this…I feel a lot more vulnerable, and sometimes really dirty, like I need to take a shower to wash off the ugliness…
I got worried when the instructor introduced herself as Yogi Strap-On Sally.
This might have something to do with Happy Baby pose.
Ah, hoarding. The excessive acquisition of items, and the inability to discard them. I’ve seen that “reality show” on A&E and while some of you may find entertainment value in these people who are desperate enough for fame that they’ll allow cameras to document their squalor, and sit idly by as their family and friends besmirch their reputations and community standing, others look on with sympathy, seeing the human tragedy and emotional neglect amid the rubble of these people’s lives. I tend to empathize with the show subjects…does that make me one of them?
I really am researching ways to recycle pizza grease in speed bearings. Really.
You might be a hoarder if you look at the clinical definitions of pathological hoarding or disposophobia and defensively argue in favor of the term “collector with purpose.” While my buddies the Collyer brothers and I would tend to think our shared behaviors more in line with the eco-friendly mantra of Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, I think we all know that deep down inside most serious inline skating enthusiasts, this twisted psychological disorder claims a small part of us all. One look at my skate bench tells my story. Why is it that I can’t seem to part with that 100mm wheel that’s been chewed down to 76mm? HA! Because it will come in handy some day, I just know it.
As I sit here looking at my skate bench, waiting for the A&E film crew to come in and hand me a big ‘ol slice of public humiliation pie, I decide I’m going to take the first step and inventory my accruement. When the hazmat team comes to dig me out, here’s a sampling of what they’ll find in my little corner of the garage…NOTE: this picture was taken in May, 2010. The bench is now much worse than this, but I’m too ashamed to show it:
Touch anything and you'll never write again Slim.
I’ve got everything exactly where I want it:
A. SpeedyWeezy’s first “speed” skates – a pair of adjustable kids rec Rollerblades with the cuffs cut off.
It was a start...
He actually did pretty well on these for a month before we ordered his first pair of Luigino Mini-Challenge. We’ve been saving these in case he becomes the next Joey Mantia, because surely The National Museum of Rollerskating is going to want these for the permanent display.
Can't believe he didn't snap his ankle. Bad Daddy.
B. My first pair of Rollerblade Lightning 10 fitness boots. I’d just popped off the buckle to use on my buddy John’s pair of Powerslides pictured here on the bench. The liners for the Lightnings have been used to make a pair of boots I use on my slideboard.
The chicks really dig these, especially when it's all I'm wearing.
C. Mailing label with Stephen Charrier’s home address so I don’t forget to send him a Christmas card.
D. The Black & Decker heat gun I used to put a hurting on…
D1. …a brand-spanking-new pair of CadoMotus Pro110 boots, now with nasty burns on the inside lining of the left skate.
E. A foam earplug used to make ear-candy bud covers. (Do you know what that means?)
F. Set of Buck Bearings I used to become First Loser in Duluth in 2009 (I think they’re still there, rusted to the table.)
G. 2nd Gen iPod 8GB Mini that I used as the soundtrack to my skating for 4 years. Needs a new battery, works when it’s plugged in so I can’t throw it out. Worth -$10 on Gazelle.com.
H. One of Jondon Trevena’s Rollerblade Lightning race skates – 5 x 80mm set up, all plastic frames, all leather upper, zero support. He actually won races on these things, he thinks he even wore them on MTV back in the day. Yowza!
I think I had a Members Only jacket that would have matched these.
I. eZeeFit Slider Gloves – they’re just sweet.
J. Bowl of miscellany (stripped axles & mounting screws, cut washers, credit card shims, small screws, all crap. But you know…useful crap.)
What my camera missed, but the A&E crew would find…the boxes of used wheels, bowls full of beat bearings, 4 or 5 empty skate boxes, 1/4 full bottles of lube and WD-40, old pairs of protective pads, 1/2 gone boxes of fabric softener, full box of industrial latex gloves, open tube of synthetic axle grease, 16 98mm scooter wheels with bearings rusted firmly in place, cut pylons, instruction manuals and spare Allen wrenches from every new pair of skates I’ve ever acquired, 6 or 7 heel-break assemblies, a set of wheels with disc breaks built into the axles, wheels from my very first pair of fitness boots, old wrist bands, a broken heart rate monitor, two helmet lights, a fanny pack, 2 hydration belts, and holy crap…and a stainless steel coffee pot full of, um, well, it was for those pinch situations when you’ve got your skates on already and can’t go back in the house…we don’t have a floor drain – you figure it out. And all of this is just what’s on or under the table.
Then, there’s the 6 ft. shelf…
Yes, those ARE anti-gravity bounce boots (no homo.)
The shelf is actually a place where I’ve made a little progress since May, in that I rearranged some crap and actually got rid of 1 pair of skates…
These Problades now live in Kenya. Frealz.
Then there are all of these pads, which I’m saving on the bottom shelf for some poor little field mouse who’s going to want a warm place to live this winter…
Seriously, I found a dead field mouse in my knee pad last winter. It was the salt in the liner that killed him.
So in surveying all of this, I think I counted 13 or 14 pairs of skates out there. Some belong to my family, but yes, most are mine. Imelda Marcos ain’t got nothing on me. I’ve got a deeper selection than Zappos. And I can’t ignore all of the frames, cracked helmets and old Ezee Fits out there too. There could be a Yeti living out there in the corner for all I know. It’s a complete disaster.
In May, the lead in to this post was: “I swear, this bench was completely cleaned off two weeks ago…” And it was man. And it was my intention to keep it clean so I could have a place to hang out. But that didn’t happen. With each passing day I was more interested in gearing up and heading out. I’d just keep the important stuff (CadoMotus torquing Allen wrench, indoor & outdoor wheels, Garmin Forerunner) in my skate bag, dump the garbage or unnecessary accessories on the bench and go on my way.
The junk really started piling up once I got my Pro M1’s. These skates don’t live in the wilderness of the skate wasteland I’ve documented here. No sir, they stay in the house, in my ventilated skate bag, with charcoal Stunkies, in my climate controlled closet. Once I got these it’s like nothing else mattered. I didn’t really have time for any of this stuff I’d been “collecting.” And now it all just sits there, a living monument to my mental illness.
What does all of this say about me? That I’m lazy? That I’m a slob? Probably both. But I’ve definitely got a bit of that hoarding gene, and I know I need to shed some gear, toss some crap and get in touch with Dr. Phil. And when he asks me how it’s workin’ for me, I’ll tell that snide bastard to go to hell, cause you never know when your extra junk is going to come in handy and help your kid with his “simple machine” project.
Speedy Weezy's Popcorn Flipper
But seriously, I can’t even find a good way to close this post out…it’s embarrassing. WTF is that all about? Look for some gear to be posted to Nett Racing’s used board soon…maybe. I’m not sure. Ah, I should probably just keep it. You never know…
The Nutcracker…it’s that time of year when Tchaikovsky’s beloved libretto can be heard and seen daily, even in the aisles of your local Wal-Mart. But I’m not here to talk about ballet, (though the outfits and leg mass of dancers and inline speed skaters are similar in many ways…) No, I’m referring to a painful indignity that comes with age and crossovers…Testicularasarus. That’s right…boxers, briefs, bikinis…bollocks! It don’t matter how you dress ’em…we’re talkin’ balls, baby.
There's a reason you don't wear boxers under your skin suit...all great performers know this.
When it comes to gravity’s impact on the human body, it’s all too common to hear about how those lovely “Dolly Partons” head south for the winter of life. Yeah, yeah…we get it. Especially if you’re talking to a group of women who’ve nurtured their cubs the natural way…”Ah, the ‘girls’ aren’t what they used to be. 7 kids and two reductions later and you’d never know I looked better than Lee Meriwether in that Catwoman costume when I wore my first skin suit.”
"I was on Star Trek too and I know what you did when you were watching...meeowww."
But women have ways of making the best of what they’ve got, for as long as they’ve got it. They can lift, separate, compress, go strapless, hands free, get full coverage, make a special occasion sexy…the list goes on and on. Men, on the other hand, suffer the ill effects of gravity in silence and without the aid of a “ballssiere.” Thus, with our seed sac’s hanging between our legs, a right leg crossover becomes, well, freaking dangerous. It doesn’t seem to matter which kind of underwear you wear either, although certainly boxers are by far the stupidest choice for skaters. As you get older, the berries fall further from the bush, and you need to know how to handle yourself. It’s not like the coach pulls you aside and say, “here’s your skates, helmet and jock strap.” They may prepare like that at the Pro level, but your average rink rat isn’t getting that type of advice. I’ve never heard anyone mention the perils of dangling do-dad’s, and the distress of the aging male indoor inline speed skater. It’s an open, albeit lonesome secret, only ever spoken of in hushed tones in the center of the rink, outside of earshot of the young’uns and lady folk.
The Danger Zone of which Kenny Logins sang.
My friends…our days of silent suffering are over. Cod-busting is a very real danger we face as *mature* indoor inline speed skaters, and it’s time for a frank discussion of the realities of drooping nads, and how to prevent injury and preserve the pelvis ornaments…at least until I perfect these zero gravity shorts. All you young guys can take a seat too, here’s what you’re in for someday…
The first and only real step toward ensuring your pendulous cobblers don’t become ensnared in a crossover is adequate warm-up before you attempt such a move. Strapping on your skates and rolling right out onto the floor in a chillackadaisical manner brings on Testicularasarus quicker than you can say…”OWWWWWWW!” You’ve got to give ‘the boys’ time to elasticate…let that blood flow be redirected to other parts of the body that need it, like your legs. Start with some easy laps and don’t be too quick to tuck into base position in the corners. Take those first few corners standing. Get the legs moving in the straightaways, then get back up and glide to turns. 3 to 5 rolling minutes and discrete adjustment once your sling shrinks will help you avoid those sharp facial contortions that elicit the obligatory, “What happened? Are you OK?” inquiries from innocent skate moms sitting on the bench…
There’s really not a lot more you can do…As we age, our skin loses its taughtness, no matter how toned we are. I’ve heard it said that as men age, our noses, earlobes and kerbangers continue to grow. The truth is, it’s gravitational force causing our noses, ears, eyelids and manjigglies to grow longer. It’s gravity literally pulling on all those fleshy, non-muscular masses that have slowly lost their ability to resist over time. Sadly, your pecker won’t elongate, but your bobber buds will someday find the floor, relatively speaking.
Just take it slow to start, and let your tenders have the time they need to get up and out of the way of those vice-like, monster Quads. And for goodness-sake, don’t panic when you hit the showers after your workout and you look like a pre-schooler in the pants. Package shrink is an important part of athletic performance, protecting your hanging brain from permanent damage. At some point in life, you really do need to stop worrying about size…
So here’s to you, Speed Weenie. You suit up like a sausage with your junk on full display for all the world to see. You put your nuts on the line every day for your sport, risking your scrot just for the hell of it. So what if there’s no fame or glory or gold on a rope in it for you? You flirt with testicular trauma when others are off bowling, knowing that at any moment your Cracker Jacks could be crunched, leaving you on the floor, crying like a four year old who just discovered that you can’t take a flying leap and land on a sofa arm in a full straddle. You know the meaning of cojones, you’re the keeper of the family jewels. Let them laugh at you and call you a “roller skater,” because you know the definition of what it takes to be a real man…you and your rolling rocks and a need for testosterone-fueled speed. For those about to turn and burn, we salute you!
Cold weather skating never used to bother me but I guess ol’ fart syndrome is catching up with me, cause as I’ve gotten another year older my tolerance for the cold has shriveled up quicker than George Costanza’s manhood in a cold pool. I want to roll on up inside a warm cavity and stay neatly snuggled beneath a warm downy blanket, only to be coaxed out of hiding by a warm shower or a vigorous rub down. (The later with the former being the ideal of course…)
They didn't tell me the skates came with the latest bluefoot technology.
This is my first winter in boots that were built exclusively for speed. Having ordered my boots 1/2 size smaller than my true shoe size, and after heat-molding them to my feet, I can’t wear them comfortably with socks. Yesterday I figured out just how much I’m going to miss the extra padding and warmth when I’m heading out to trail skate this winter…Mmmm, yeah, looks like I’ll be putting in even more time indoors this winter than I did last year. Could be worse, right?
As a lot of you know, indoor inline speed skating is a lot different than skating outdoors. Almost everything I’ve learned indoors has helped me become a more efficient technical skater outdoors, and that’s the primary reason I love it so much. I don’t leave it all in the rink. The knowledge is portable and adaptable. It works when you work it, no matter where you’re using it. But, of course, you’ve got to think it through, find your strengths and improve on your weaknesses if you want to get faster. Since that’s what I want, that’s what I’ve been doing…thinking about the basics and also doing a lot of foundational drills.
This year’s been great, in that I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress, both indoor and out. Indoor, this was the first year where I’d set and achieved a personal speed goal. Getting that out of the way toward the end of what I’d call the regular indoor season, it was hard not to immediately set a new speed goal and go for it once I hit the one I was shooting for. But I’ve purposely resisted the temptation to push it further before the year is out, opting to simply stop, claim some progress, and set myself up to have something to shoot for in 2011. I’ve still got a lot to work on, that’s for sure, and that’s the reason I’m sticking to the basics for the rest of the year.
I’ve been concentrating on balance, body position and simple mechanics. I’ve also been stretching more cause I’m just not very flexible. Never have been. But anyway…Over the last few weeks, I’ve been getting some great tips from my coach on how to position my shoulders, use my arms and feather step into turns at high speed. It’s been paying off, but it’s a lot of work. It’s required me to break things down a bit and work on my stride in small pieces, rebuilding from the ground up. I’ll admit, it’s easier for me to actually do this because I teach the Rink Rabbits class, and we’re hammering on the basics all the time. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be where I’m at today if it weren’t for the Rink Rabbits.
As you can see, I was all over the place with my arms, swinging and turning my upper body. I was also rushing into the crossover, not really getting my weight distributed properly, ending up with a weak under-push. Speedy Weezy was setting up in an A-frame, and bobbing up and down. Having all this pointed out has helped me help us both, and I’ve been able to in turn help the rest of the Rink Rabbits with their problem areas. We’ve all been working hard at fixing these foundational pieces, and for a lot of the team, the work has really been paying off. Young and old, experienced and noob alike, these simple foundational type drills are really proving to be just what the speed doctor ordered. We’re becoming better skaters from the ground up, especially Speedy Weezy, Speed Demon, The Brothers Speed and Speed Lord. They’ve been much more determined to do things right since the clinic. They’ve become very purposeful. It’s been great to watch and be a part of their growth.
So, not wanting to deal with the cold and the wind anymore, I got up at the crack of sanity and went to Rollerland to “treat” myself to a private practice this morning. Armed with a big cup of Starbucks and an iPod full of instructional video clips that Mantia gave us, I set out to prove to myself just how much I want to be a better technical skater. Seriously, my goal is to do these early morning rink runs at least once or twice a week now through the rest of the year.We’ll see how that goes…
Here’s what my workout looked like this morning:
– 100 Laps Warm Up
– Right Leg / Left Leg Balance – 3x each leg
– Base Position Roll – 6x total
– Right / Left Leg Rolling Leaps – 3x each leg
– Large Circle Drill (Video Above) – 1 minute, 3x total
– Right / Left Leg Glide – 3 laps (6 corners each leg)
– Crossover Glide – 6x total
– Right / Left Leg Push – 1 minute, 3x each leg
That took an hour, and I was back to the house well before I needed to be to work. I wonder if I can get the survailance video to see what my form looks like? Or maybe just ask the coach to review it and give me some pointers. In any event, it was a great way to start the day, and I’m really going to make an effort to get more of this training in.
Or…hell, I could suck it up, get used to the bluefoot sensation and give ice a try, but that’s something I swore I’d never do…just like the rest of this stuff.
In the dizzying spiral of days that wrapped up late summer and started the fall indoor inline speed skating training season, life got faster. Not necessarily on the track or trail, but in general. Somewhere along the way, the rules changed too, and the expectations I have of myself got higher. Commitments and responsibility are starting to get in the way of my inline skating. WTF?
11 days off and I'm right back to where I started...
I’m not the same skater I was a year ago, and training took a toll I didn’t expect this year…it led to fatigue and low-grade burnout. Like Pooky in New Jack City, all I want to do is high-step it into the Enterprise room and get beamed up to Scotty. All these years of smoking polyurethane seem to have caught up with me…
I tried to kick... but that s#*t just be callin' me man, it be callin' me, man... I just got to go to it!
It’s been a great year, the best so far that’s for sure. My involvement in the sport has run deeper than I would have volunteered for at any one time, and it’s all good, too. It’s been a gradual progression, albeit quick. One of those things where you just decide you’re going to do something, set about getting it done and sit back and say, “Wow…how did that happen?” Do that over and over and the s#*t starts to pile up. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anything like that, or if that statement makes a lot of sense, but I don’t have a lot of time to over-analyze my writing or edit myself if I expect this blog post to get done anytime soon…
The burnout symptoms came out of nowhere, but yet in looking back I guess I could have seen the warning signs if I’d been looking for them. I’ve been in that special place reserved for those that over-train before, and I can tell you…this bout of burnout was something different. It grew over a few weeks of Indian Summer, where the world of long distance outdoor inline skating was bumping up against the foundation building of indoor inline speed training. Here’s my takeaway, the two disciplines play really well together when it’s early in the year and you’re working on building up speed indoor, but that relationship goes to shite faster than Lucy finding Ricky in the back bedroom with Ethel and a sixer of Four Loco when you’re still burning up the trail outdoor, and you’ve torn it all down to rebuild your foundation on the indoor oval…it can snap your will to skate.
Before this, I thought I’d done a stellar job of creating a better skate / life balance this year. I’d put my house in order, allowing the changing needs of my growing little family to take priority. I’d changed my training routine in so many ways this year that at a certain point, although I’d been skating harder than ever, with more purpose and intensity, I felt like I was cutting myself short and not training frequently enough. Of course that was all in my head, but in years past that feeling and thoughts like it had always been motivators to make the time I needed to skate and just get out there and put in the miles. Not this year. Those thoughts and feelings of not doing enough started to weigh more and became de-motivators…
Your passion is...illogical.
The burnout warning signs glow like neon in the cold, dark night now, but I couldn’t see it when it was happening…started taking more days off for “healing” than I used to…was satisfied with shorter distance skates at lunchtime…stopped skating in the morning all together…let a little wind stop me from gearing up…put off updating this blog…stayed away from the chat forums…started to think all of the pros ARE doping and didn’t give a s#*t…was actually happy to tell Horseypants that I wouldn’t bring my skates for 11 sun filled days in Naples, Florida…really didn’t care that we wouldn’t have an internet connection to watch the Inline Speed Skating World Championships when we were on vacation…didn’t miss my skates at all while we were in Florida…found it very hard to get back into the swing of things when we got back to Colorado…for the first time found myself thinking about the logistics of canceling a Rink Rabbits practice the day of practice…gave up the idea of chartering a team…there was actually more.
In all of this, except for our trip to Florida, I’ve been skating. But my heart was a half-beat behind. I just didn’t feel like I was sitting comfortably in the pocket. And it dawned on me that it was fear that was driving me when I was actually skating…fear of losing my legs, destroying my base, that fear drove me to keep skating and doing dry-land exercises. It wasn’t that I really wanted to be doing any of it. And that, for me, is the key. The desire and passion to be on my skates was really just not there like it has been for the last six years. For me, that’s just not right…
My passion for inline was in perfect hibernation.
When I started to realize that it wasn’t so much fun anymore, or at least as fun as it used to be, I started thinking about other sports…and concluded that I’m not a jock and really don’t care to participate in any competitive sports at all. All or nothing thinking crept back in. I’m either in this or I’m just not. Well, at least that was a comfortable emotional place to be for me. And I think it was from there that I started feeling a little bit better. I know I’m in it, it’s to what level, that’s the question.
I don’t know how long the gray skies would have lingered, but I do know what snapped me out of it…
¿Dónde está el baño?
It was a blog post by a writer named Matthew DeGeorge about Alex Cujavante’s, ah, mistake, at the 2010 Inline Speed Skating World Championships in Guarne, Colombia this year. If you haven’t seen this video, it’s really horrendous. Alex is rounding the last corner of a 20,000 meter race and he thinks he’s far enough ahead of the pack that he can stand up and showboat across the finish line in front of a hometown crowd. Sang Cheol Lee of South Korea didn’t stop skating and came right up his rear…taking the gold from Alex and making him a viral internet superstar. Watch the video. I’d love to know what the Colombian commentators are saying.
Anyway…this blog post. Mr. DeGeorge has a way with words. He essentially tears our sport to shreds, writing things like, “…Cujavante was competing in the 20,000 meter race, which, if it seems like a ludicrous distance to cover wearing a child’s toy on your feet…is. (I can only imagine a mile long pogo race as its equivalent.)” And, “…Colombian speed roller skater (seriously!)” Topped off with a third snark, “…Lee’s winning time in the marathon (actually, they have one of those, too!)”
Reading all that I was like, “Dammmmnnnnn. A child’s toy on his feet.” Now I’m not generally known to have a thin skin, and I thought the “pogo race” comment was pretty snappy, but I was ready to call it quits. What a joke. Here in the US, the sport will never be taken seriously. World Champ Wouter Hebbrecht thought it might be a good idea to track Mr. DeGeorge down and bring him to an inline event. Would it help the perception of our sport out there on the internet and in the world? I don’t know, but I bet Mr. DeGeorge would walk away with a new appreciation for our sport after having seen, met and watched some of our best athletes in action.
That aside…At some point it occurred to me…I remembered…one of my problems is that I end up taking things too seriously and THAT’S what feeds the burnout. THAT’S what saps the joy and fun out of skating for me.
DON’T TAKE THIS S#*T SO SERIOUSLY…As it turns out, DeGeorge’s blog post was just what the doctor ordered. The video IS funny. It’s a damn shame that Mr. Cujavante had to learn that lesson in front of the world, but seriously…looks like he needed the lesson. And c’mon…after re-reading DeGeorge’s comments, what he wrote was funny. A child’s toy indeed! This sport does keep you young. Young in fitness and young at heart. And if you’ve lost the ability to laugh at yourself, all is lost. At least in my mind. Hell, I remember when I first heard about the “serious” side of this sport – I was incredulous to the point of ridicule too. Even when I started skating outdoors, I swore I’d never be a skin-suit weenie like you. But hey…look how far I’ve come, despite all of that and crap like it.
Here’s our reality…and sorry if it’s hard to read but it’s the truth. If DeGeorge’s comments are hard for you to swallow, just realize that there are just too many people here in the US who have no clue that our inline world exists. So even coverage like this is good, because it builds awareness. Ain’t that some s#*t?!
It was only after I was able to think all that through that I was able to laugh it all off. All of the months of ambivalence and doubt. The time off was good for me. It’s time to get “serious.” Time to get back to what I love doing, for the reasons I love doing it…I love to eat pizza – like 5 slices on a Friday night – and skating allows me to eat whatever the hell I want with impunity, despite my slowing metabolism. THAT’S why I do this…cause I love to eat and I like being thin. Simple. Oh, yeah, and skating IS actually fun. Almost forgot…
So with that, I went downstairs, got my skates out of the trunk and skated with a renewed passion and interest. The next day it snowed. So it goes…
The World’s Fastest Powerlifter, Lamar Lovelace, gets a skate upgrade…
This video caught a magic moment for all skaters, didn’t it? It’s that moment we’ve all shared. We ALL know how Lamar feels. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been inline skating, how many pairs of skates you’ve owned, whether you’ve bought them, inherited them, been given an old pair or put the smack-down on a trash talking Junior and taken them, does it? There’s nothing like that new skate feeling to bring out the kid in all of us, no matter how old you are. Hell, my wife knows that when odd shaped rug burns pop up in places the sun don’t shine, it usually means there’s a spit-shined pair of new skates in my bag, ready to wear and tear up a track near you!
There are lots of things I’ve done when I thought no one was looking, just to discover later that enquirering minds were lurking beyond my peripheral vision, watching my every move. It’s led to some awkward denials and having a few invitations rescinded. All I can say is let those without sin flick the first boog.
$5 says the Windsor kid eats it.
But this post isn’t about my private predilections and deviations from societal norms, it’s about the definition of character and dedication to our sport. And, in breaking with my inner narcissist, it’s not even about me, it’s about some new Rink Rabbits we took into the club this weekend…
The 2010 Rink Rabbits World Team
We were honored to have Joey Mantia and his friends & team mates Michael Cheek, Sara Sayasane and Wouter Hebbrecht to do a technical clinic with The Rink Rabbits here at our home rink, Rollerland Skate Center, in Fort Collins, CO! Not only is this one powerfully talented group of World Class achievement, they’re all genuinely nice people who truly love inline speedskating. Their love of the sport comes through in many ways.
The clinic itself was custom tailored to be an event open to all of our skaters, from the youngest, least experienced on through The Fast Kid, who’d just returned from Outdoor Nationals with 2 Gold Medals. Everyone skated away with something they could use to make them better, faster, stronger and smarter skaters.
My better half has been a recreational skater for just about as long as I’ve been skating. This year, she’s going with me to Duluth, Minnesota to skate her first half marathon at the 15th Annual Northshore Inline Marathon. We upgraded her to 100mm “race cuff” fitness skates (Rollerblade Speedmachine) a month ago, (which I’ve since bumped up to 110’s with the CadoMotus 4×110 Dual Box) and she’s been training regularly to increase her mileage and improve her time each week. She was at the clinic with us but she didn’t skate. She took all of the pictures and video attached to this post so we could document and remember the day for the club.
Horseypants on wheels.
Well, this morning (day after the clinic) she had already skated 5 miles around the neighborhood before I dragged my old, sorry and sore butt from bed. By the time I’d strapped my skates on and caught up with her, she was rolling and preaching the Gospel According to Mantia. She even started to recognize the elements of my stride that need work. Freakin’ know it all…but admittedly, she was 100% spot-on. And I didn’t need a Garmin to tell me she was already faster and more efficient then she was the day before, it was obvious in the speed I needed to catch up with her, and her ability to recover quickly from her burst activity. And to top it off, when we got back to the house, she asked to try my Pro M1’s. She took them for a two mile roll and declared, “OK, I want a pair.” She’d graduated from recreational to speed skater in less than 24 hours.
She doesn't wear pads anymore...
Like any good predatory drug dealer who can spot the future junkie in their recreational customer pool, I quickly moved in for the kill by rushing to my supplier and ordering her a pair of her own. Alas, that was a bit like trying to convert a toker to a tweaker overnight. Too much too soon. She’s in, but it’s going to take some time before she’s ready for the stiffness of a semi-custom speed boot. Nonetheless, she herself will be joining us in the rink this winter, and she’s encouraged other Rink Rabbit moms to join the team too! Welcome to The Rink Rabbits, baby!
So, you ask in your speed-weenie whine, why all this about her, what about Joey?
It’s powerful, trans-formative stuff, and you, First Loser Reader, you’re in for a treat…
I’m going to share what we’ve learned with you, as much as I can. Over a series of posts, we’ll share in the Gospel According to Mantia, until we’re all converts to his Stride. Yes – Stride is capitalized. As it should be. Mantia is a Skating God…(and hell, I’m no dummy…the longer I can milk this Mantia story, the more readers I’ll get, the higher my unique and repeat traffic will be, and world domination won’t be far off…and all those Ivy League schmucks I grew up with can suck my knee cap!)
Getting it together
Working with Mantia to set this up was smooth from beginning to end, just like his Stride. We were able to coordinate the event by email, and didn’t really even speak until about a day or two beforehand. He was really easy to work with, to the point where all I really had to do was let people know he was coming and show up to unlock the doors and turn on the lights.
Even volunteer coordination was a snap. One of the great things about a small club is that it was super-easy to get folks to pitch in and do things like clean the floor, set the lunch counter, cook the food, watch the little kids and clean up. The jobs were gone within a half hour of sending out the email call for help. Rink Rabbits Parents ROCK!
The Rink Bunnies - the real backbone of the 2010 Rink Rabbits.
For such a busy guy Joey was amazingly responsive. I got a real kick out of seeing his name appear in my text message in-box. I was in a business meeting when I got a text from him and leaned over to show the name to a colleague…she smiled politely and shifted uncomfortably, not really sure why I was giggling like a 12 year old. Anyway…
No introductions necessary
Our schedule called for check-in and warm ups between 9 and 10 am. Mantia and Michael showed up on schedule at about 10 to 10 and came in with a couple of extended family members in tow…Sara Saysane & Wouter Hebbrecht from Simmons Racing / Team USA & Team Belgium! Two more world champs to make this the second such surprise Mantia pulled on me…the first was when he emailed and asked if I’d mind Cheex coming along with him. I think that was the day or two after Cheex had run an 8.4 flying 100m and taken the 2010 award for Grand Indoor Champion at National Speedskating Circuit. Cha, do I mind? As if…
For the most part they showed up without being noticed, which was great because Mantia just strapped on his skates and rolled out the floor while the kids were all open skating and warning up. You should have seen their faces as they began to realize who that new guy was…it was a classic entrance!
Moreover, it was more revealing of his character than anything he could have said. With his easy nonchalance and good nature, Mantia makes you feel like you’re on the same team. When we were going back and forth by email setting this up, he more than once said he wanted to help our club and was happy to be able to whatever he could to make the clinic happen. Seeing him roll right out there and mix it up with the kids made him the most accessible, everyday skater super-star in the world. He was really right in his element and looked immediately at home with them. Cheex followed closely after him and by that point to gig was up, the guys were in the house and running the show. Mantia took the wireless mic, called everyone the middle and got the clinic rolling.
Jason was just about to say "Over!"
He got the skaters going building their foundations. He got the MILF’s in the room going with his “fluid grace and power.” (That’s a quote.) Facebook was alight the following day with snapshots of the kids with Mantia & Co., and one drooling comment after another about Mantia’s legs…and the obligatory, “and little Johnny looks like he had a good time too. But really, are his legs THAT BIG in person?!? OMG!!!”
This is a picture of Jason...right.
In retrospect, I should have emailed around a pic of the guys in their skin suits with the event announcement. I could have charged for spectator admission and all the local moms would have funded the club for the next three years.
Where the learning begins – the basics
Ah, back to the clinic…bending your knees and getting low. Weight distribution and edges. They covered a lot of ground quickly and made sure all of the skaters got through the drills with individual attention and moral support when it was needed.
We spent lots of time on our skates doing drills that we normally do as dry-land (skates off) drills. Being on skates for drills like these adds a whole new dimension to the workout, and shows you pretty quickly why these drills are important to get right.
No one was left behind or made to feel “less than.” Rink Rabbit spirit was in the air. As our in-house Olympian and head coach pointed out, they covered a lot of the stuff we been working with the kids on for the past year, but Wow! How responsive they become when the current Champ of Everything Speedskating is teaching!
One of Mantia’s gifts for the in-house coaching staff was complete validation.
It was great that our skaters were somewhat prepared to do some of the drills through muscle memory and the basic knowledge we’d passed along up to this point. They’ve been working hard all year. But there was a lot of new stuff too, which was just awesome…how to “lock in,” and what locking in will do to help you become more stable and unmovable when you’re in a tight pack and particularly into your corners. Not only did he run us through a drill, but he explained the whys of importance too.
One of the Brothers Speed getting a tip on his form.
A constant theme of the day quickly became “Perfect Practice Makes Perfect Performance.” We were shown how World-Class achievement starts with low-level attention to detail. Mantia is very purposeful when he’s training. He’s very precise with his movements, and it was amazing to watch him break down his Stride into smaller parts that he then practiced with a patient determination to get the motion and muscle response as perfect as he could see it in his mind.
Side to side, side to side...can I get an Amen?!
Breaking down the elements of “a skate” or “a race” into smaller, more digestible parts, Mantia worked us slowly through drills that took us from the start, down the straightaway, in on the cone, through the corner and out to the finish line. It’s all in your technique and how you breakdown your form. Wouter said it best when asked to share what it is he knows now that he wishes he’d known when he 14. He told us it’s technique. Form and function are the most crucial things to focus on and get right when you’re just starting out.
What was great about all of these on-skate and dry-land drills was that the kids were familiar with some of them, excited by the new ones, and all of them were endorsed by Mantia & Co. They will now associate “perfect practice” with their visit, and understand that Mantia’s secret isn’t so secret after all – he’s not doing anything they can’t do themselves. He started skating when he was 9 too, so it’s not unthinkable that if they listen to what he said and start doing what he does, they too can be World Champ someday. It’s not out of reach.
We spent a lot of time on starts. Each participant got personal attention and pointed critique and correction of their starts. There’s not really a better example of why this clinic was so worthwhile.
When it comes to starts, opinions vary. As an instructor with the Rink Rabbits, I’ve got an Olympian coach and his method, I’ve got a coaching manual (or two) with methods that aren’t exactly the same but very similar. When you’re teaching a group, you want to be able to get the idea across to everyone in a way that speaks to all, leaving no one behind. Some people progress quicker than others, and eventually someone gets to a place where it’s time they tailor the “art” to their own style. What’s great was having World Champs share their foundational points, but then give the students the freedom to find their own form based on sound principal. They showed the students why the “science” elements (for example, loading up on your front leg in a side start) are important, then they helped the students understand how “feel” (art) takes the sport and makes a custom fit.
Even The Fast Kid showed that active learning is key to future success.
It was during the time that we were going over side starts…which no one except The Fast Kid had ever even tried (we focused on down starts all year)…it was during this time that I spied Cheex, Sara and Wouter being themselves. I looked off to the far side of the rink, and there they all were, discussing the things Mantia was going over with us, over there on there own. They were talking about side starts and running through them by themselves, thinking no one was paying much attention to them. That, for me, was why they were here, and made their dedication resonate with me. I mean, here they were, all Champions in their own right, hanging out at a clinic that their buddy dragged them along to on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and there they were, “behind closed doors” as it were, talking shop, running drills, laughing out loud and being just as engaged as if they were among the student population. What that revealed was that they all have something in common – they possess an athletic character that’s crystallized in the phrase “pure skating.”
That was a huge take-away for me, and what I think is a good lesson for us all. If you want to make it and stay at the top of your game…the game that’s yours alone, your form…then you’ve got to be a life-long learner, and it’s got to be fun. To keep it pure, you’ve got to enjoy it, genuinely. You’ve got to have an open mind, be ready to take someone’s advice and give it a try. Being able to hang out with Mantia & Co. for a day made it pretty clear to me…their dedication and interest in the sport isn’t different than mine at all. Is their training more intense? Sure it is. But their hearts are in the same place as mine. It’s Pure Skating. When no one is looking, you’ll find us all in that same mental place, where Stride & Glide are all that matter, and that’s pretty cool, to know I have that in common with the greats.
Training log
Now that the outdoor season is done for me, I’ve put the Garmin away. It’s back to the rink, and time to slow it down. Break it all down to build it up again. This training season is going to be more intense, I look forward it…bring it on! More soon…
The skating of the 15th Annual Northshore Inline Marathon is now complete. I was there when the start sounded, and I’ve earned my finishers shirt. While I’m savvy enough to not hang a banner that says “Mission Accomplished” off the tailgate of my Sequoia, I did achieve what I set out to do. I skated with some of inline skating’s all-time and current best, I actually kept pace with them for most of the race, and I finished with the lead pack. That makes me a winner in my book, and it makes me 13th in the race standings for Masters 35-44. I’ll take it.
Yep...it was the luck of strategery...
All in all it was a wet experience. The road was wet, my feet were wet and I was wet behind the ears. This being my first year skating pro (as in, Professional Speed Weasel…at least to you that is…) I made a few, how do you say…rookie mistakes.
My design for the 2011 Speed Weasels Skin Suit. Unleash your Speedo Weasel...
I also did a few things right, I think. Maybe. Whatever. In any event, I’m skating away from NSIM 2010 with a great experience, knowing I can do it again at this level next year.
Honestly, it felt like I dodged a bullet when we woke to rain at 4 a.m. on race day. I’d adopted a different training regimen this past year, and while I know it was awesome for me in many ways, it was unfamiliar too. I had a sense of uncertainty leading up to this race. This was the first year I’d skate with the Pro Masters, and I’d spent very little time on long distance skates. Yes, I’d done the 100 mile thing, but in years past I’d spent nearly every Saturday & Sunday morning pounding out 26 to 32 miles for months in preparation for this one event. This year, I could count the number of times I’d done 26.2 miles since January on maybe two hands. While they were quality training sessions, they just didn’t add up to what I’m used to.
This year I listened to my coaches who said distance wasn’t the only key. Each was supportive of the other in their own ways so that the message got through: intensity, precision, intervals, rest, and recovery all mattered just as much and distance skating, and that I needed to pay more attention to all of the elements in order to successfully meet my goals at the Pro Masters level. They also gave me a bit of strategy advice, and admittedly, this is my Achilles heel. (Could insert nasty partisan joke about “W” here, but that’d be too easy and might offend some friends. Heaven forbid!)
In fact, it was my inability to commit to a “tough guy” strategy that was the first of the mistakes I made. I don’t remember exactly where we were mile-wise in the race. It was probably just before the half-way mark, when a guy in a Twin Cam skinsuit made an easy mark of me. I was cruising right where I wanted to be, about 5th or 6th in the line behind Norm Kirby, Ryan Chrisler, Jorge Botero, some dude in a Synergy skin suit (nice guy) and maybe one more guy when Twin Cam moved up on left to cut in. I stiffened up, left my hand up and told him to move in behind. Push came to shove and I said something like “WTF, DUDE?!’ before bending over like Eeyore and letting him slip me the Tigger. Then he started letting his buddies in line in front of him from the right. I knew I was pooched with this guy for the rest of the race, so I rode it out a while, then when I saw the four or five leaders make a break I jumped out and on them and took off to get back where I wanted to be. And of course, later on I’d find myself in situations where I needed to catch a break and get back in line, and would inevitably find myself next to Twin Cam so I’d just have to look forward and work harder to get further up in front of him.
Go ahead, slip on in. Everyone else is doing it...
In the end it all worked out OK but the lesson was learned: don’t piss people off too early. It just makes your life harder when there are too many other things to worry about. That early in a race, all you need to do is stay focused on what’s happening up front, and what’s coming up the rear. People jumping in and out really shouldn’t be too much of a concern if it’s not pushing you too far off the leaders so that you can make a move if they do.
As a side note: this Twin Cam guy unfortunately went down really hard as the pack mad-dashed in a mob-like way up the service road to the off-ramp at 5th Ave right at the end of the race. It was like going to see The Who in Cincinnatti in 1979. I hope he’s OK, as I hate to see anyone get hurt when we’re all out there just having a little lively competition for fun. If you’re reading this Twin Cam dude, sorry I was a prick too early in the race. I should have played nice and let you in without a fight, at least till I35. At that point, the pin stripping on the highway would have given us both something more to consider than jockeying for position too early in the race.
My favorite rookie mistake was at about 5 miles to go when you enter the residential section leading up to Lemondrop Hill. It started when we were on the downhill that leads you around the bend, over the bridge and into the town. I was drafting behind the guy in the Synergy suit and Jorge on the downhill when Jorge stood up and moved out of line to the left. It looked to me like he’d exchanged glances with the Synergy guy, who a second later stood up and moved out of line as well. Voi-la, there I was, leading the pack on the downhill, leading right up to the long, gradual up-hill that leads through the neighborhood and up to Lemondrop. I knew I was screwed and that I’d have to think of something fast. This was exactly the situation I didn’t want to find myself in, and here I was. Damn it. Then Knowl Johnson was like, “Hey, you have a witness, you led this race!” And he sincerely meant it. But all I could say to myself was, “Cha…as if” in my best Wayne Campbell. I’m so not worthy…If he only knew who’d told me NOT to do this…
Since this blog is as much about tearing down my (Gene) Simmons sized-ego as much as it’s feeding my narcissistic tendencies, I’ve got no problem telling you that my ego got in the way of better judgment and coach’s instructions. Here I was, up front, with Jorge, Norm, Ryan, Richard and several other really strong skaters in my line, and I was pulling, being the workhorse. I was told not to. My coaches told me to let the ego sit on the sideline, to just watch the leaders and take their lead. Be a wheel-sucker, take verbal abuse if necessary, but do not pull under any circumstances. Well, I skated right into the poop. They got me. I kept the pace leisurely like they had, but it was harder because we were beginning the climb. To make matters more difficult, the masters pack in front of us was making ground, and I knew at some point were going to have to push harder and attack to regain the lead. At one point, this guy came whipping out front and stayed there for a bit maintaining what looked to be the same pace as we were. So I figured, “heh, heh, heh, sucker…I’m gonna make you pull.” I pushed it up slightly to get behind this guy just as he was bonking out. Mondieu! That wasn’t going to work, and now I’d spent some energy making mistake #2. Well, at this point, my quads were starting to burn, and that’s when the usual suspects jumped out and made their attack run on the pack ahead of us. I made a break to catch them but pushed too hard and slipped with my right skate, giving the pack that remained behind me the opportunity to drop me like a spaz with bad teeth and worse smelling breath that sits on the school bus giving people wet-willies. It looked like my goals were toast.
Well, that’s when you chalk stuff up to experience, recover quickly and remember your training. I just heard the word Tabata in my head. It became a chant. Tabata and Puz, Puz Puz. Puz is a code word I share with my home team that means it’s time to kick it into high gear. I just kept my sights on Richard Cassube’s back and pushed hard to get around the pack that had dropped me and back in line behind Richard. I caught up right at Lemondrop Hill, and was happy when the pace slowed to get up the hill. It gave me that few seconds of recovery I needed to work hard again. But the beauty part of it was, this next interval would be nowhere near as hard as the standard Tabata Protocol normally was. I knew it was going to be this way and it gave me the security I needed to navigate the top of the hill, the left turn and the transition to the highway. And that was a blessing, because there was a lot to worry about on that highway.
The transition was smooth, but it quickly became apparent that this road was very much a work in progress. The road was chewed up with those vertical strip grooves they grind in preparation of a new road surface. Combined with the rain and the usual mix of cracks, potholes, bad patching attempts, sewer drains and random square punch-out holes, and this was going to be two of the scariest miles I’d ever skated in my life. Early onto the highway, it became apparent that the lead pack would use everything it knew to shake people where they could. They were very adept and getting the pace line right over the most difficult pieces of road. I was hanging pretty tight at about 6 or 7 in line, but when we started hitting the underpasses, things got very dicey. The rest of the course was pretty well oil free thanks to the rain having washed it all away. But in the tunnels, the oil and water were just waiting for us, and people started dropping like flies. It was rough, but that lead pack kept right on going while people were scrambling all around them. At some point, someone yelled that we had 1 mile to go till the off-ramp, and that’s when all hell broke lose. I could see pretty quickly that some of these other guys who’d been hanging at the middle to back of the pack were going to now make a serious run at the win. They started taking more risks, and some of them paid dearly for it too. I had to jump out of line and over into the shoulder at one point to avoid someone who fell, and I ended up fighting for dear life to get back in line without ending up in a sewer grate or on the road. I absorbed a skate bite and kicked my butt into high gear to get back on that lead pack. I was slipping and sliding quickly to catch back up.
Workin' it...photo stolen from DuffManOhYeah - Inline Planet Member Forum
I got as far as getting in behind Richard Cassube again, we’re in the lower left in this pic – I’m coming in from outside, Richard is in the orange Simmons suit – which at this point was 7 or 8 back. It was then that I realized that we were coming up on the off-ramp, and that I wasn’t willing to commit to those three turns at high speed on a wet road. They had just put fresh blacktop down on the service road leading to the off-ramp, so that made it easier for a lot of folks to get up to speed and up the ramp faster, but I didn’t think a lot of them would be ready for what was waiting up there…chewed up slick road and a tight turn. I purposely went as wide as I could to avoid the falls, and manage my slide. To my surprise no one went down, but plenty were sliding out right in front of me. I jogged hard around a couple of guys and picked up a sprint over the bridge and down the other side. I came at the lead pack from a 45° angle on the downhill. I was within striking distance of the 4th or 5th spot at this point, but I also knew that this next turn was a disaster in terms of the road through the left tight corner, and the barriers jutting out on the right. Not willing to bite it, I went wide again and just slid through the turn not even attempting a crossover. That cost me, as a bunch of guys came screaming through on my left. I was distracted and worried that someone would broadside me. When I regained my courage, I started pounding the sprint again, and made up some ground, just to give it back on the last turn.
Fighting to make up lost ground from turn 2, going into turn 3. Photo by Cher.
Going wide killed my top 10 placement, no doubt. By the time I was able to get my footing and make my final sprint, I’d given up about 7 spots and finished 13th.
I finished the race and heard Horseypants calling my name. There she was, standing over by the docked William A. Irvin ship. She’d just finished her first half-marathon, and she looked great! What a smile – and a sight for sore eyes. It felt so good to have her there when I finished. She’s my million dollar baby! And as it turns out, she took 9th in her age division in the half, only having trained a little over a month, in her first race, on 100mm wheels in the rain! Yes, I’m bragging. (More about the trip to Duluth as an experience and Horseypants’ race in the next post.)
We had a 2 p.m. flight to catch out of Minneapolis, so I said thanks to a couple of the guys I’d skated with, then we grabbed our Bont anniversary wheels, finisher’s shirts and made a line for the car. I poured about a quarter cup of brown water from each skate, changed my shirt and hoped in. Duluth 2010 was over. Yo…we out.
The most fun I had was all in my head. I’d done what I’d set out to do…skate and hang with the best. I had no idea that Jorge was in our group until the night before when Robert Burnson made a big deal out of it when we were chatting. I thought he was kidding, but Jorge was like, “Nope, he’s not kidding.” Nearly shite meself, thanked Robert for what was about to be a completely sleepless night and moved on. Anyway…my fun was in skating with these guys and matching their strides. Trying to keep their cadence and not fall behind. Trying to figure out what they were going to do, if they were going to break or not, then try and catch back up when they did or when I’d make a mistake and fall behind. I’ve never thought more about skating form in a race as I did in this one. I quote Joey Mantia here when I say that for me, it was, “perfect.”
I had to chuckle and shake my head a few times when the 2nd pack would make a run past our line. They’d look over and keep going. I was incredulous. Did they NOT recognize the tall blond guy in the red Bont uniform or the low form of the guy with the mean profile in the Powerslide suit? I laughed, but I guess maybe I make too much of who these guys are. After all, they’re all skaters, just like the rest of us. They LOVE this sport. All of them. There was a shared passion in that line that didn’t allow for my usual goof-off antics. They’re SERIOUS about skating. They don’t whoop it up under the overpasses, they’re too busy…skating. And that made it fun for me, to be in a pack where they train hard and show up to give it their best. Skating in line with them is the best form of instruction a skater can hope for, and I learned a lot that I’ll use to train with this year. Because doing this race and coming in 13th hasn’t filled me with an overwhelming desire to come back and win it in dry conditions next year. It’s revealed a greater truth for me. I’ve learned that I’ve forgotten how to lose. That’s a big win where I come from.
We came. We rolled. We out.
I win by losing, and I’ll continue to be the First Loser…a legend in my own mind.
In a world where it’s news that Mariska Hargitay is proud to be a size 8 – a news story that actually warranted an update 2 hours after it was originally published – I’m declaring my freakdom. I’m a skate spaz, the kind you don’t bring home to mother. I’m a skate-tweaker if there ever was one. When it comes to skating, I think I think too much.
Funkin' up your pace line, b!@#$!
It’s taken me forever to decide which skates to roll in the upcoming Northshore Inline Marathon. It’s a big deal for me. It’s the only race I’ll skate this year. Wanting to beat my time from 2009 and finish with the lead pack becomes a tall order when you consider the field I’m rolling in is filled with the best skaters in the country in this age class – Norm Kirby, Tony Muse, Ryan Chrisler, Richard Cassube, the list goes on…including my bud Noel Creager – we came up together this year! I’m truly excited to have the opportunity to start with these guys. I’ve been visualizing the pace lines, breakaways and speed all year. I’ve watched several of these guys break a few records and win a race or two this season. They’re inspiring to watch. Hell, my coach skated with and against a lot of these guys back in the day…they know how to skate. They’re truly a different class of skater. If you’d have asked me a few years ago if I thought I’d be in the same wave with any of these guys, the answer would be…ah, no.
I’ve been training hard. All with a mind to be able to grab onto that pack and hold on till the finish, just to beat my time from last year. All things being equal in terms of weather and road conditions, that’s my goal. I’ve trained religiously on my Rollerblade Racemachines modified with a CadoMotus 4×110 DualBox frame and Road War Reds (thanks to CadoMotus.) The coach downgrade my wheel size about a month and a half ago, then we ruined a perfectly good pair of Buck Bearings by loading them with axle grease. To top it off, we added in a few extra pounds of weight per ankle with some strap-on weight bands. We came to call this “Beat Feet.” It was brutal, but I did what I was told to do.
I've been training on these all year. Great training skate, at 3 lb, 02 oz.
Hills in the heat. Intervals and sprints. Tabata and Super-slow, 5-6 days a week. In Beat Feet mode my goal was to get my speed back up to where it was before Beat Feeting it. Talk about tough. But I’ve heard through the grapevine that these guys I’ll be on the line with work harder than that. Thus, I’m super obsessed with the idea of doing my best.
When I start thinking about this stuff too much, my mind is a dangerous place. I become my own worst enemy. Like Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant, I go places I know I shouldn’t, thinking things unspeakable, and smoking way to much crack…
How'd I turn my skinsuit inside out?!
Not quite OCD, it’s disturbing nonetheless. I lose sight of the original goal. It gets perverted into something Nick Cage will try to remake 20 years from now, and it’s ugly.
Last year it was all about form. Early in the season I read 10 Minute Toughness and I crafted a performance statement that I repeated as my skate-mantra (Get Low, Down in the Heel, Full Blade to the Side, Fall Forward.) It served me well.
This year it’s been form and function. Function of form and function of equipment. For me, it’s a lot easier and cheaper to focus on function of form. I’d even say it’s more beneficial in the long run. But you know as well as I do that any skate-gear-head will ultimately come around to, (ah-hem,) evaluating his equipment. And when it comes to playing with it, (my equipment,) I have a lot to learn.
One of the things I’ve learned this year…if you’re going to put 110 frames & wheels on your boots, it’s best if the boot was actually designed to be used with 110mm wheels. The Racemachines I’ve been working with were designed for a max 104mm wheel. Since everyone and their Grandma will be on 110’s this year, it’s really where I needed to be. So I got the 110 set-up and discovered that the second wheel wasn’t spinning freely under the mounting block. So, I made a simple retro-fit using slices of credit cards for shims to jack up the front deck height to get the second wheel to clear the bottom of the boot. Easy, peesy…
For most of the training season I was skating just fine with the front of my boot about 1/4 inch higher than the heel. It really helped me get “Down in the Heel” with my push. I was hitting record times! Then, I got the CadoMotus Pro 110’s and immediately learned that being able to “feel the blade” under my entire foot, from ball to heel, made a big difference in the amount of power being generated by my stride. But my heel and toes were level. This was a great discovery, but as fate would have it I would end up trashing the CadoMotus boots before having the chance to really skate in them. Bummer…but great learning experience & knowledge gained.
Shortly after this discovery, Joey Mantia put up a video blog talking about foot pressure. Another validation point along this path to discovery of a new push.
Then, to my horror, my wife and kids accosted me on my birthday…freaking held me down on the ground by my throat, burned me with a crack pipe and forced a new pair of Simmons Pro M1’s on me for my big 4-0. I took it like a man, but in my shock and confusion over their grotesquely violent presentation of this milestone birthday gift I made a retreat to the internet and did a lot of reading about about how the Pro M1 boot was made. Putting aside my PTSD over the gift giving smack-up, I came to learn something new about the power-points that we should all be focused on if we want maximum control and power transfer. It all dovetailed with what I’d learned on my own with the CadoMotus boots, so I knew I was onto something important. I put the trauma of my birthday behind me and moved on.
With all of this knowledge (and a seven week wait for the Pro M1’s) I resumed my attack on the Racemachines. I was steadfastly determined to wear these skates in this years NSIM as a way of saying thanks to Rollerblade for all of the support they’ve given me and Speedy Weezy this past year. So, the next mod was designed to correct the lop-sided deck height. It was another simple one…I raised my heel with another 1/4 inch of shim. This was too easy!
My wife was very happy to see such a productive use of my credit cards.
Well, the saggy trumpet began playing because I immediately noticed a significant loss of power transfer in my stride. Having the frame separated from the boot by 1/4 inch of credit card at both mounting points pretty much opened the door to have the energy I was creating just swoosh right through the mounting screws and into thin air, leaving very little to be passed through to my push and roll. I also started getting hot spots on my ankles and insole that hadn’t been there before. I had to work a lot harder to make the skate responsive and I started going through a lot of band-aid donuts and eZeeFits (I cut holes in a thick pair of eZeeFits hoping that would relieve pressure on my ankle bone…it didn’t.) All this because I was trying to wear a boot that I was forcing to do something it’s not really designed for…
After Beat Feeting it for the last six weeks, I’d become painfully aware of how much the weight of your skate, deck height and the design of the foot bed impact you ability to achieve top speed. There was no going back on this stuff. Knowledge gained makes half-assed efforts fall even shorter, because you become aware of your massive half-assed-ness and lose ground you once held through ignorance. To make matters even worse, my Pro M1’s arrived, but they were clearly going to need to be broken in before attempting any serious distance in them. And again, being determined to make the Rollerblade’s work, I didn’t really even consider that I’d wear the M1’s in Duluth this year. Sooo…
Changing the frame .05 oz per boot.
With a firm sense of purpose, I next set out to see if I could improve my situation with the Rollerblade’s through chop-shop methodology. The first thing I did was try and shave some weight by swapping out the frames. I took the Simmons 411’s that came on my Pro M1’s and put them on. Not only did that shave some weight, it lowered the deck height and corrected some of the power transfer issues. Wow – that was easy!
Um, yeahhh…not quite. Try as I might, I couldn’t keep my foot down in the bed (the RB boot is a half size too big, which was never an issue till there was a frame under them that fit the boot without shimming) and now my heel was actually rising because of the new method of pushing I’ve been practicing. What to do…
Give in. And that’s what I’ve done. The itty-bitty committee in my head went on way too long, got too far down in the weeds and ultimately lost sight of the goal. Instead of trying to do my best and beat last years time, it became all about trying to “do the right thing” by Rollerblade. And I know that’s not how they’d want me thinking. They want me focused on achieving a skating goal, not a political goal. So here we go…ready or not, I’m rolling my Pro M1’s in Saturday’s race. The Rollerblade Racemachine’s have been an excellent training tool, and they’ll remain in the feet-fleet. But this weekend I need free my mind of the clutter I tend to create and focus on my goal. To give it my best this weekend you’ll see me on the starting line in these…
All that to get to this...Simply The Best choice I could make.
The Pro M1’s are a skate fiend’s dream. Happy birthday to me.
It's how I roll, run and tell that, homeboy.
See you in Duluth. May you achieve your goal, whatever that is!
Training Log: It’s been a lot of the same you’ve come to expect…I skate a lot. Tapering this week has been made easier by all of the smoke in the air due to the wild fire burning down in Boulder. Lot’s of folks out of homes and lots of destruction. All this skating stuff is somewhat meaningless in comparison. Hoping and praying that the fire is contained as quickly as possible and that no one gets hurt.
First Loser 