Tag Archives: NSC

Happy Tanksgivin’

Like the repentant death-row con granted clemency in his eleventh hour, I’m very thankful and grateful for second chances, not to mention all this life affords me.

Fresh-molded and right to your table this Thanksgiving!

Fresh-molded and right to your table this Thanksgiving!

So many times it’s easy to get wrapped up in first(loser)-world problems, that I need to remind myself of the simple things that make life worthwhile:

– Family
– Friends
– Life itself
– The Universe
– Everything else

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

If I were 20 years younger…

If I were 20 years younger, I’d have been in Federal Way, Washington this past weekend to try out for the 2012 season for National Speedskating Circuit. It’s the biggest thing in inline here in the US, and I’d say probably the biggest inline “show” in the world. Yes, they sponsor this blog, but it’s because I was a fan of what they were doing, not the other way around. You don’t seriously think they actually READ this, do you? That’s why I can get away with stuff like this…

That's right, I got mad skillz. I'm the only one going right at that freakin' cone. Yeah baby.

Watching the NSC coverage this weekend at www.DailyHouse.com, I was struck by the ill-conceived idea that if they let old, fat guys in, I could have tried out. 100m in the Grand Master Fatazz division. But seriously, I could have made a respectable showing for myself at these trials. You just wouldn’t want to see me in a skinsuit right now. And granted, I wouldn’t have made the final cut, but I’ve hit times that wouldn’t have made me…last loser.

Anyway – check out this video. Helmet cam from Jake Powers in the 1,500m from this past weekend…

If you don’t find yourself leaning to the left when it’s over, you just don’t understand…

The Ninth Day of Inline Christmas

This dream gets better and better…

T’was the 9th night before Inline Christmas, and on Facebook a news flash, NSC had just been infused with big wads of cash, Jose and Mantia would build a big monster,  by adding a ladies team to their roster. And t’while ‘ere the original verse speaks of moonlight on breasts, I thought a picture’d show The Ladies of NSC best…

9 Ladies Skating. No need for jokes here. Click to enlarge, er, so to speak.

T’was a night on the couch this one bought me…so since I’m going to hell for it, might as well bring along the tools I’m going to need to stay in shape:

Seriously, it's not mine. Neither is the DVD-ROM of the Playboy magazine archive.

A recipient of the prestigious Medical Design Excellence Award, this is the hand fitness trainer that slips on like a glove and has elastic bands that strap to each fingertip, providing resistance as you open your hand. (For those of us who have hands that put up active resistance, this is important.) By flexing your hand in the opposite direction of its typical motion, the trainer strengthens the extensor muscles in your hands, wrists, and elbows. Ideal for people whose “extracurricular hobbies” require “manual dexterity,” the device strengthens underused muscles and increases flexibility of overworked muscles in the palm, (they’re speaking my language…) resulting in improved muscle balance and joint stability. The resistance can be adjusted individually for each finger and a normal exercise routine consists of 1-3 sets of 10-20 repetitions, every other day. One size fits most, just like those funny smelling balloons they sell behind the glass at Walgreens.

Strong forearms are the long kept secret of the world's fastest wankers.

This is the exercise apparatus that strengthens your wrists and forearms. Unlike free weights that can be awkward and unwieldy for wrist and forearm conditioning, the cushioned exerciser secures your forearm while you grasp the foam-padded handle that can be adjusted to your hand size…A cable and spring mechanism provides resistance as you curl your wrist; three levels of resistance offer a more vigorous workout. Other things do too. You can also reverse your grip to perform wrist extensions. 13 1/2″ L x 6 1/2″ H x 6″ D. (1 1/4 lbs.)

Need I say more? I probably shouldn’t…