Well, well, well, look who’s decided to dust off the old inline skates and roll back into the blogosphere like a relic on a set of slightly rusty bearings, squeaking on past like a version of a certain “First Loser” we knew so long ago. Yep, it’s been half a decade since my last keyboard confessional, and I can practically hear the internet rejoicing at the return of my less-than-triumphant tales. But hey, who needs gold medals when you’ve got the silver lining of self-deprecating humor, right?
If you’ve been following this virtual journey of almost-glory since the days of yore, you might remember the Northshore Inline Marathon – that yearly test of my speed, stamina, and knack for snagging second place faster than you can say “Cadomotus.” Ah, the memories of those scenic roads in Minnesota, (that I never really saw for more than two feet in front of me at any given time), the cold Lake Superior wind in my hair (or under my helmet, safety first!), and the rain on the blacktop. I’m going back to do it again, but now with the knowledge that – Jayzeus – since the last time I did this and now, Joey Mantia has waved goodbye to ice skating…faaakkk – I hope he’s not registered in the open for NSIM 23! That course record still stands, doesn’t it??
Well – like always, my primary motive for skating has involved weekly pizza consumption and weight management…and I’ve been over-indulging in meat-lovers party pies. So today I went out on a F&*K! tour as in “WTF was I thinking?!” and skated 21 miles in new skates in the mid-day heat…my “extreme temperature” training day I assured my wife as I was crying to peel my skates off (as if I had planned this reckless endurance test)…feckin eejit is what I am…but did it I did, and man-o-manischewitz am I feeling it. Yeah man – I’m older, it’s different, extreme skating was always hard, but dayum son, what you mean I gotta do 26 miles tomorrow?!?! Faaakkkkk Do it I will. Will it to done. Get low, down in the heel, full blade to the side, fall forward. That’s my mantra, because imma sk8ing mofos…The Art of Skating a Straight Line: Inline, My Tai Chi – my new book, coming soon!
As I reunite with my trusty keyboard and channel the spirit of self-deprecation that made “First Loser” a beacon of underachievement, I can’t help but marvel at the twists and turns my training and my skating have taken. It’s different these days. I’m not the fastest kid on the team anymore. Like Roy Kent, there are slightly younger guys in better shape eating my lunch…faaakkkk. So it goes.
Here’s the deal – like before, only moreso, I don’t give a ratt’s butt! I’m having fun being back on my skates and preparing for NSIM in a few weeks. Yeah, yeah, but, butt it’s not as much fun as it used to be(!!!) and it seems to be costing me more in terms of effort(!!!!!!) Maybe it’s because I’m over 1,500 days older since I was really skating with any pep?? Faaakkk – it’s been a while since I gave this thing the effort it deserves.
In my defense, I’ve been busy. But I’ve been lazy too. That’s the truth. But here’s the deal – I’m back. So between now and race day – First Loser and The Speed Weasels are rolling with you!! What are you doing to get ready? I’m on new skates, ramping up miles, hitting the hills, and getting stoked to be there in September! Share in the comments!
First Loser 