Tag Archives: lateral thigh trainers

The Eighth Day of Inline Christmas

And on it goes…

T’was the eighth night before Inline Christmas when what from my blind side crashed into my ear, but a big iron skillet thrown at me from rear. T’was Horseypants’ rage bout what my Ninth Day blog pic is, which I contend was for humor, but she said was just sexist. “Women in panties on skate blogs there’s no place!” She screamed and she swore as she stomped on my face. And as I lie broken, all bleeding and shaken, she said she was sorry, she’d just been mistaken. While she maintained that the pic was just crude and degrading, she could see now, the post was a joke about ‘bating.

"There are eight of us, why do I have to milk it? How do you even milk a Hutt?! I've got a bad feeling about this..."

Wow…took some heat on that one. And you didn’t know it, but you’ve dodged a bullet too. To make up for my boorish post, she originally wanted me to pose in MY underwear and skates and post it here…a piece of man-meat to be ogled and salivated over. Yeah…well not only would that not be the result of you seeing an image like that, but clearly an apology is in order. I didn’t mean to offend women, and in particular any female skaters, and if I did I’m sorry. Women definately belong in the NSC, and when there’s enough interest from the women in our sport, NSC’s said there’s a home for them. It’s only a matter of time, and it will be great to see that happen, really.

So…back to our Santa list, cause there’s still so much to share, and banish those thoughts of FirstLoser in underwear. These next finds are actually something you might really use to work those legs and skate muscles in the winter months…

If I spot one of these bad-boys in Goodwill, I'm all over it.

Available exclusively from Hammacher Schlemmer, this compact lateral stepping machine’s side-to-side skating motion develops muscles in thighs, glutes, abdominals, and oblique muscles while improving overall balance. When the exercise session is over, it can easily be folded and stored away. The tubular steel frame has non-slip end caps and a carrying strap, and an integrated computer that tracks number of steps, session time, total steps, and calories burned. You Unfolded: 13″ H x 14″ W x 37″ L; folded: 23 1/2″ H x 17″ W x 14″ L. (19 lbs.)

...but when money is no object, I'ma get me some a dem pants.

This is the only cardiovascular trainer that rotates laterally to sculpt the lower body while delivering a vigorous fat-burning workout. I seriously want to try one of these out. Unlike elliptical machines, treadmills, and steppers that focus exclusively on the front and back of the legs, this patented machine’s horizontal figure-eight motion engages the total leg, zeroing in on hard-to-tone areas in the outer and inner thighs and glutes. While the lateral trainer provides excellent sports-specific training for skiers, golfers, and tennis players, any user will benefit from its superior toning and conditioning. The intensity of workouts is easily adjusted at the turn of a tension knob. An LCD readout displays heart rate, calories burned, RPM, speed, distance, and time. Because the trainer requires no electrical power, it can be set up anywhere (requiring less floor space than a treadmill) and operates quietly. You probably wouldn’t be able to read while you use it, but that’s a sacrifice I’d be willing to make if this really works. 65″ H x 48″ W x 36″ D. (140 lbs.)