The Tenth Day of Inline Christmas

So last night…

T’was the tenth night before Inline Christmas when down on my skate bench there arose such a clatter, t’was a field mouse sneaked in and toppled my Matters, and bearings and axles, spacers, mounting bolts and frames, he’d even chewed holes in my knee pads, they’d n’ere be the same…

10 Sith Lords A Leapin...

Back to the subject of “Totally Awesome Christmas Gifts for Inline Skaters…” I thought I’d show you some of the other “must-have” goods on my fetish, I mean, Santa List…

Vader gloves, mechanical hand optional.

These bad boys have a 7-volt rechargeable Li-ion battery that produces a maximum temperature of 148.9º F. Perfect for all those Rollerdome enthusiasts who are going to find this to be one cold winter.

James Earl Jones voice chip with built in respirator sound comes standard on the D-OrK Model.

See where this is going? I can build myself a complete Dark Lord of the Sith skating outfit with one catalog. This mask for instance, it it humidifies and warms winter air for comfortable breathing. A special ventilation chamber lets wearers inhale full, unhindered breaths while trapping a small amount of heated, humid exhalation. The result is a comfortable, fully oxygenated “micro-climate” inside the mask with up to 80 percent humidity and temperatures 40° F to 60° F warmer than outside air. I bet Vader’s helmet can’t do that.

My luck I'd forget I was wearing them when I hit the Port-O-Potty.

No more of those helmet cam strap-on units. These glasses with a built-in video camera will allow you to hide out in a pace line and discreetly record those spandex-clad keisters in all their stridin’ & glidin’ glory. The 0.3 megapixel pinhole camera is located in the bridge, providing 320 x 240 high-quality resolution for AVI videos. Up to 2 1/2 hours of videos can be recorded directly onto the built-in 2 GB memory. You can buy a 4GB expansion card that comes with a free tube of Astro-glide, for all those lonely hours you’re going to spend on your “technique” after the skatin’s done. Rub-a-dub-dub and shock my monkey! The Force is strong in this one…

2 responses to “The Tenth Day of Inline Christmas

  1. A coach who is also a MD suggested that mask to me for ice skaters who wear a scarf around their face so the air they breathe isn’t so cold, and thus avoid, to some extent astma, etc. I actually printed a page so a skater could order one, then decided it was too much for an indoor rink. But for an outdoor ice marathon, it may be seriously worthwhile.

  2. Pingback: December 17th 2010- Roller & Inline Speed Skating News

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